Inconceivable!

Wait, I thought that pinko socialist Obama was ruining everything … how can this be?

The Dow Jones industrial average, which measures the performance of 30 blue-chip companies, rose more than 100 points in morning trading on Tuesday, surpassing its previous record close of 14,164.53, which it achieved nearly five and a half years ago, as well as its record intraday high, set around the same time, of 14,198.10.

Of course, a few things have happened since October 2007. The housing market collapsed, the financial system went into meltdown, the European Union started to fray and politicians dragged the United States through an on-off-on-again fiscal imbroglio.

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Since a low point in March 2009, the Dow Jones index has more than doubled, stunning even the most seasoned stock market watchers.

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